Last week I sent out an email soliciting questions for a Q&A series. I find that the best teachings come from the questions asked on teleclasses, so why not use these posts as a way to respond to your questions directly? It’s much better than guessing about what you want to know.
I received an amazing response to my request – THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! If you have a question on your heart, just reply to this email. If appropriate, I’ll put it in the queue.
Today’s Question: I have so many people wanting and needing things from me, and I have needs for myself. How do I set healthy boundaries?
Read the Transcript:
I like to put a reframe on this topic.
Think about this: If you are walking around with boundaries all the way around you, think about what this looks like. Think about what this feels like. You are building a wall all the way around you like a fortress.
This can protect you from things that you don’t want to allow inside that wall – yes – but what is this doing to you? How do you feel with a big wall around you protecting you? It can be isolating, a defensive pattern, always holding this wall and keeping it strong so that it will protect you. [Exhausting!]
Instead I like to think of it this way. Imagine a beautiful strong oak tree. If you are an oak tree and the wind blows, what happens with this tree? If you are a leaf on this tree, you get tossed about by the wind and sometimes knocked from the tree. If you are a limb on the tree, you get blown around a bit, not as much as the leaves, but you get blown and can get broken if the wind blows hard.
Now go in a bit more to the branches – they’re going to be a little flexible, but they’re not as likely to get broken as the smaller limbs. No go in deeper to the trunk. The trunk is strong and firmly rooted into the earth. The wind can blow and blow and not affect the trunk. It pretty much takes a direct hit from a tornado to uproot an oak tree.
The oak tree at its trunk, firmly rooted into the earth, drinks the nourishment from the earth. It is strengthened by the rain and the weather. The trunk and roots are not affected by the wind. Do they need a fence? No. Do they need to be barricaded to be protected? No.
The trunk and roots take the nourishment from the earth and stay firmly grounded. This allows the tree to be strong and stay strong and grow stronger, bigger, taller and produce more shade. When the oak tree is strong, it grows fuller and produces more shade. Then the people who are needing from this oak tree can come and take the shade. They can lean against this oak tree and feel the beauty, the life, the strength and the oxygen that is given off by its leaves without taking away from the tree.
When you sit under an oak tree, you are breathing the oxygen it is giving off. You are leaning against it feeling its strength and groundedness. You are taking its shade and being cooled by it without taking from the tree itself. [The tree is merely standing in the fullness of the truth of its existence.]
The tree is not depleted by giving shade. It is not prevented from taking in nourishment. [In fact, the stronger the tree, the more shade it gives. It is not affected in any way when you benefit from its shade.]
When you feel yourself getting tossed about by the wind, let yourself be the trunk and the roots. Rather than putting up a wall around you, bring yourself in. Ground firmly into the earth, and drink the sustenance from Source. Let your tree grow to be strong and expansive.
Let people lean against your strength and experience your shade without taking from the core of your being or keeping you from your sustenance. This is an energetic shift in the way you manage your space.
I hope this has helps you with your concept of boundary setting. I’ll admit it takes practice. Try this on and let this concept of boundary setting resonate for you this week. Next week we’ll talk about giving from a place that does not deplete you.
Until then,
Live and Love Joyfully!
Debra Graugnard
