Creative Self-Expression For Ultimate Freedom with Dalzenia Sams

People who have suffered trauma at such young ages put up this frozen wall of trauma and hide behind their silence. Dalzenia Sams, author, painter and artist for peace, had suffered such trauma as well, having been a victim of sexual violation. Dalzenia’s story of abuse includes three separate cases of rape. After the third instance, she felt completely broken and was ready to take her life. Fortunately, Dalzenia was in a program with a few women who were therapists of trauma release work. They recognized she was in shock and were able to support her until she was able to open up.

In Dalzenia’s words, “They saved my life.” As her healing journey continued, Dalzenia found it was her artwork that brought through her healing power. The first painting she ever did for herself was called Ultimate Freedom, symbolizing a prayer for world peace, a prayer for personal peace, attaining absolute happiness, and connecting to the mystic law of the universe.

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Creative Self-Expression For Ultimate Freedom with Dalzenia Sams

Dalzenia Sams is an Artist4Peace. A native Texan and seasoned Houston resident since 1971 when she arrived to attend Rice University for the arts. Officially becoming a published author is a stepping stone to Dalzenia’s dream. She is seeking individuals who consider themselves to be peace masters committed to unfolding a potent conversation and movement for change with the intent to create world peace. What we think, we speak. What we speak, we create. What we create becomes our legacy.

Dalzenia has international recognition as an artist through GMC, having created an art car commemorating their 50th anniversary. Locally, Dalzenia has created many commissioned murals for businesses and homes, including two installations for the city of Houston Park Program through the mayor’s office. Her favorite being her 6×100-foot mural with multiple scenes depicting a royal life with agriculture and black history through Egyptian life stands at Kashmere Elementary School.

Dalzenia’s public mosaic tile mural at Smither’s Park is a current artist for peace in progress, whereas her work was on a permanent display in historic downtown Mia Bella’s Restaurant, a commissioned triplicate mural, artists for peace. Dalzenia, thank you again for being here. Can you start out by telling us a little bit more about your story and how it led you to what you’re doing that is doing so much to help others?

In my life, I had three different kinds of sexual assault. The first when I was fifteen by a family member. He was 34 and just returned from Vietnam and that was incest. Then the second time, that was unbelievable to me. I didn’t understand it, it was crazy. The second time I was representing the Girl Scouts of America at the Presidential Pre-White House Conference on children and youth in Estes Park, Colorado. I was so excited to be doing that and representing the Girl Scouts and representing Waller, Texas and the master ceremony raped me on the elevator. It happened so fast and I was so shocked, and I was like, “Why is this happening again? Who do I tell? This guy is overseeing the events. Who’s going to believe me, this little girl from Waller, Texas?”

How old were you then?

Seventeen. I was angry. It made me angry. That passed and I had my feelings and dealings around that. A lot of fear that have been exposed to STDs again. Could I get pregnant again? Then I come back and try to put my life together and put that behind me and you keep it to yourself and you try to go on. Then the third time, I was in San Francisco attending a program through Werner Erhard and Associates and trying to afford myself and my business to figure out how do I make that work and went out to dinner with a friend.

What we think we speak, what we speak, we create, what we create becomes our legacy. Share on X

This waiter took a liking to me and asked if we could go out. He seemed nice. He’s at a public restaurant. He’s working. I figure he’s got to be a sane person back then. I didn’t think anything of it and I lived in a flat with several people, so it wasn’t like I’m alone. I went out with him two or three, maybe no more than three weeks, decided he was boring as hell, and I didn’t want to deal with him, so I broke it off.

I had sex with him one time and it wasn’t any big deal. I’m not interested and so I broke it off. Then what happens, roommates started calling and saying, “You should give him another chance. He’s a nice guy.” I’m like, “I don’t care.” I didn’t speak like that to him, I was polite because I’m also a Texas Southern girl. “No, thank you. I’m sorry. I’m just not interested.” I don’t want to see him anymore. Left it at that. He knew that every day I would leave at a certain time to go to my course with Werner Erhard doing the project with them.

The flat is situated where there’s a little foyer that’s down lower than the rest of the house and then you go up some stairs and you go through a long corridor and all my roommates would be back to the main room, the living room kitchen like that. I was getting ready to leave and I’m turning the door knob to open the door and he’s on the other side unbeknownst to me.

As it comes open, he pushes the door so hard I hit the wall and it knocked the breath out of me. I’m trying to catch my breath and he’s undressing me, taking my underwear down and assaulting me. He threw me to the floor and I’m like, “This is just unbelievable to me. This is happening again. Do I have a sign on my head?” It was crazy and then he was gone. At that point, I had a break and I got up and went to the course and I decided I was going to take my life.

I was done. This is over. I’m not going through this again. I made the decision to sell everything I had, to move out of where I was. I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I’d made the decision I was done. Luckily, there were two women who were also in the course that were from Portland. They did trauma therapy and they were able to recognize something had happened and they were interested. I was so lucky, blessed.

Over three days, they stayed in touch with me until they could get me where they felt like I was stable enough they get asked what happened. They saved my life. Because of them, I started to address all the other abuse and trauma that I had experienced. I couldn’t afford them. What I did is I went and I cleaned their house. I traded with them and they would do therapy sessions with me and they were helping me. They saved my life. There was a point in the therapy where I didn’t want to go back to Texas, but I felt like I needed to go back home and not run away from what had happened there. You come to take care of my business, but at that point I didn’t want to go back. I was going to off myself.

I went back and started doing more therapy on myself and getting into the Louise Hay tape. I played a tape on the little cassette players and you put it on a loop and it never stopped. I put her tape on, I bought on how many tapes because they break after a while. I put it on tape and I played that tape nonstop in my home for three years. I didn’t care if I was in the room, it was permeating the walls where I was living. That’s how I saw it.

I am changing the air I breathe. I started my journey with healing myself and learning to love myself and to recognize myself and I kept loving a people. It was very difficult to be around men. I could not get on an elevator with men. It was difficult to be in any building that had several men in it. That was scary for me. I was very limited in where I would go, who I would see and who I spent my time with.

SCS 17 | Ultimate Freedom — Ultimate Freedom: It’s hard for people to hear other people’s happiness when they’re unhappy.

Can you bring us to where you are and what you’re now doing that helps other people?

There was a point where you fill that pipeline, you do enough work where you start to have some breakthroughs. I started being able to believe in my work and then suddenly, I could talk more to more people. I kept doing spiritual awareness stuff, tried all things. I chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, but I’m a big Jesus girl. I feel like Jesus took me to Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and I use that to break through that big layer. It took out the anxiety. That’s where I broke through my anxiety.

What does that phrase mean?

It’s a prayer for world peace. It’s a prayer for peace. During that time, I met my mentor there and encouraged me to do more of my artwork. That’s where I did this painting. I had done murals for other people. I’ve done work for other people but I hadn’t painted for myself. This was the first painting I did for me and I called it Ultimate Freedom because what I could do for me, what it could do for others, I hadn’t been able to appreciate my core being and I finally could. I’ve got my ultimate freedom.

That’s ultimate freedom when you can love yourself because we feel that love for you. You can have more compassion for other people. Even I can have compassion for people I don’t like. I don’t have to like somebody to care about their well-being. I want everyone to be well. I don’t have to be with them. If they’re happy, if you’re happy, we all can be happy. We can share that happiness. If you’re miserable and I’m happy, it’s hard for people to hear other people’s happiness when they’re unhappy. That’s where that phrase comes from, “Misery loves company.” I don’t want to hear about it. That’s bullcorn. It’s not true. It’s not accurate.

I know there were people around me that knew what had happened to me and they were like, “You’ve got to be faking it. How can you be happy? How are you not resentful?” Because it doesn’t work to stay in that energy level or that mindset. It’s draining, it’s demeaning. It’s more of the same. That’s not what I wanted. I don’t know if I stayed on track answering what you were saying. I wanted to share what I had and I want other people to have it. That’s where I started talking to other people about it and then I was promoting my art and I felt like, “I committed all the art that I did from 2,000 on to be for world peace.” Its energy is focused to bring about world peace.

Out of that one thing led to another and then I got involved in some other programs. One is called New Peaks. I was getting myself trained to be in business for myself. I could say, “I know I’m a good artist, I know that but how well can I do that as a business?” I had a shop and that was successful, but it was selling other people’s stuff. How committed can I be to me? Having my work out there and then around my work have that conversation for peace with people and healing and caring about yourself. Because the process that I got in touch with, before when I was working so hard to have things, it’s like I would work and have to go to the bathroom and I wouldn’t take time to do that. I was hungry and I put that off and I know I’m going to do this until I’ve finished.

Getting focused with what you want to produce is very powerful. Share on X

What I learned when I started loving myself is like if I had a child, would I make them do things while they were hungry? No, I’d have them stop and eat themselves. You wouldn’t do that to a precious child that you love. It makes sure they nourish themselves and they got rest. When I got tired, I’d push myself and push myself. One more thing, another hour, and then I found it to be mean to myself, “Why am I being mean to me?” I had to learn how not to be mean to me. When I would do a job, I also did some work. It’s called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Powerful work. Journaling is powerful and getting focused with what you want to produce is very powerful. That’s where I learned when I was hungry, I’d stop and feed myself. If I was thirsty, I made sure I drank something.

When I did my work, I use the best brushes that I could afford and the best paints that I could afford. I would give myself the best of the best of everything to provide for myself so that I could produce the best piece of work for my clients. They’re wanting the best. How can I give him the best if I’m not giving me the best and that’s what I learned to do? It was exciting. I would play music for myself while I would do my work. I nourished everything about myself while doing that. That’s what I impart to other people when I do the workshops.

I would love to do one of your workshops and I hope that I will be able to do one in the near future. You do these workshops that are encouraging people. I love that word you said about focusing on what you want to produce and nourishing yourself. Can you give us some examples of what your people are producing and in your workshops?

The largest one I did where I had the women do small pieces. One because we basically had bad weather so we couldn’t, but we hung some sheets on the wall where we could do it, the wall was important. I’ve done murals. I’ve done large pieces and what I discovered is in doing the large motions in doing murals and painting, doing freely the way the process I do for painting, it opened my body because when you’re scared you tend to stay like this.

Frozen in that trauma.

When you start doing the large work, you open the body up and you start releasing things. You feel things you haven’t felt before. Your body is like, “No.” Getting this other workout and so you have something that you’re producing that’s beautiful, that’s drawing you to go beyond what wants to keep buckled up. I’m so excited.

I can feel this beauty from within that is emerging, helping you to burst free and open and release what’s been holding you tight.

I had the women do some of the smaller pieces of work so you get some of the detail and notice the little things and how do you want to do that work and then you can get intense on that little piece on that paper, making it more color and more chalk. If it’s not a lot of color, it’s building and it’s building until you’re putting substance there.

It sounds amazing, it sounds very freeing and it sounds exquisite. I do want people to recognize the contrast between when we’re suffering and when we’re holding it in and then we’re in that pain and we’re going through that process, then what is available on the other side. I want people to have that contrast upfront and to understand like different ways that we can free ourselves and release that wall of frozen a trauma that we hide behind in our silence. I want people to recognize that contrast because it is a huge contrast. A lot of us have suffered trauma at such young ages that all we know is that frozen wall of trauma and that we hide behind in our silence.

I want people to see that contrast and understand that it is possible for anyone and everyone. I want to go back to a little bit more of what’s happening in that process of healing and coming to that point of breakthrough. The point of this project is called While We Were Silent, and it is to help people, people who have experienced abuse and are still at some place in their healing process or maybe haven’t started on it yet, as well as people who have not experienced abuse and who are looking at what’s coming alive on the media.

I had someone who I was telling her about this project and the number of people who are coming out in the media who are speaking up and how it’s giving an opening for others to come forward and to speak up. There needs to be a place to direct people to where they can go to get healing and what kind of healing’s available. She said, “I wonder about all that twenty years. You mean you’re going to come forward after twenty years?”

I said, “50.” It takes whatever it takes to get us to move beyond that silence. Not everybody stays silent for a long time, but some people do forever and never tell. Can you help us to understand from your perspective and your experience from yourself and working with other people, what your insights as to what’s happening? Why we stay silent and what’s going on in that process?

It’s so deep and the well that we have to dig down into to do this healing, it’s going to take a little while for people to get used to acknowledging it. There’s so much fear around sexual assault. Where I want to start is what most people don’t understand that either haven’t experienced it or they’ve ignored it is that sexual assault, rape, incest, sex trafficking is not about the natural normal state of sexual expression. It’s not about love. It’s not about sharing. It’s not about exploration. None of the good things are healthy things. It is not. It is totally about someone having power and dominance over another human being and their body. It’s power over another human being’s body and mind.

This was information from the Child Protective Services from 2009 to 2013. Child Protective Services verified there were, at least in the United States, 63,000 children that were sexually assaulted. 63,000 human beings, children. Kathryn Griffin, who has the organization Been There, Done That. One of the astounding things that she presented is that they talked about child prostitution and children prostituting themselves. A child cannot prostitute themselves. Anyone at least under the age of eighteen, if they’re having sexual relations with anyone, they’re being raped or molested. They don’t have the choice. They’re not participating because they want to. They’ve either been coerced or walked into it. They’ve been in an environment that allows it very little is the child having any active thought, “I want to do this.” No child wakes up and says, “I want to be raped. I want to have sex. I want to prostitute.” That’s insanity.

Think about it. If they’re not at freedom of choice, it means someone is making that decision for them. You have someone that’s made that choice for your mind and your body from the age of some infancy, but at least age three, until you’re eighteen, you do that. How much choice are they going to have about making a decision of who they’re with a solid, healthy thought about who they’re going to be with, are the choices they’re going to make. Most of their choices are going to be out of reaction and most of those children had been told, “If you tell anyone I will kill you or I’ll kill your pet or all harm your baby sister or I’ll kill your mother.

That’s why you don’t wake up and go, “I’m going to go tell somebody.” It’s a very hard decision because they’re thinking human beings. They know they’ve been hurt. A lot of times they’re being beaten and also, whipped, pinched, slapped, punched. They know what it means, they know what it is like to be hurt. This person is bigger than them. That’s why it’s not been talked about for a long time. Then they picked someone when they’re older, a husband or a partner because it happens in non-heterosexual relationships as well. They pick a partner who there’s some control over them again, they’re wanting it for safety, but it ends up again being abusive. Until you can break that cycle, those same choices happen again and again, and you think you deserve it.

You wonder why they keep doing that, “I must be doing it because I’m always there.” It’s not a rational thought. You don’t think of what to story to tell I’m living the life that I know. For me, I tried to tell when my cousin first raped me. I was dumbfounded and who I went to was actually a teacher at my school, a science teacher. Because my fear was, “Am I going to get gonorrhea or syphilis or something because he’s been over in a foreign country and my deduction was he’s had to have raped women before now?”

He’s been doing lots of people that had no choice and I was concerned what was I being exposed to and I didn’t know how to determine if I got pregnant and then what was I going to do? My teacher, God bless him, because he put his job on the line trying to help me. That’s not the kind of information you’re supposed to give. You’re not allowed to give it to children. I was considered a child. I’m fifteen in junior high school. I can’t remember. It’s frightening to speak up. Then back in my day, sex wasn’t talked about like it is. It wasn’t on TV like it is.

Art is another level of communication that’s so important and so vital for making changes. Share on X

A lot of the people that are coming forward, our products have a society where he didn’t talk about it. You didn’t talk about sex, let alone rape. What Uncle Jimmy was doing or Grandpa Joe because most of those occurrences are bad people, not by strangers. The neighbors across the street, down the road, around the corner. He’s close by, so they can watch you. They know what you’re doing, they know who you’re seeing. They’re going to know if you told somebody. You can’t do it, there’s too much fear. We have a chance. There’s an opening now where we can speak up.

Once you’ve held something in secret for so long and say you’ve gotten into adulthood now and you’re making better choices and you’re able to live a life that is paying the bills and you’re getting by.

It was still scary doing this with you. This is not easy. You’re going to publish it on YouTube. I was scared. I was like, “Do I want to do this?” I do want to do this. It’s still scary. It’s like my immediate thoughts were, “It’s hard enough trying to get a boyfriend and husband. I’m going to be damaged goods all over the internet.” You see how that thinking is? I’m far from damage. I’m a great person.

I’ll admit, it’s scary for me too. Initially, I had the spark go off and this whole information come in about, “Here’s what we’re going to do about this.” There’s something inside of me that kicked into gear and it’s like, “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to do this interview series. You’ve done some of it before. You know how to do that.” We’re going to get the people. We’re going to open the conversations. We’re going to tell people because so many people are like, “That was so far back. I’m healed from that because I’m living my life. I don’t want to upset the apple cart, but all of this stuff is coming up. What do I do with it?”

You’re hearing all these conversations going on, all these people coming forward. Are you recognizing that in your life there’s a part of you that’s been totally walled off and shut down and stifled? It’s in this nice tight little box in there and that’s a part of you that’s not living. You’re getting around, you’re living your life around this part of yourself and you’re getting by. There’s a part of you that has been on lock-down and shut down since you were who knows how old.

You start to recognize, you get this internal dialogue going on. It was like, “Is this worth opening up? Is this worth acknowledging to myself? Is it worth opening this can of worms, Pandora’s Box? Is it hurting me now to leave this? I’m fine. I have this giant box inside of myself that is rigid as can be and can’t breathe into or remove. That’s okay. I’m fine.”

When these things come up, we started to have these conversations, “Is it fine? Am I okay? What could happen if? What would be the consequences? What would be the rewards?” Know that even if it was twenty or 30 years ago, look at your life now and what do you need now? Is there a possibility? It doesn’t mean you have to go on television or on YouTube. Acknowledging to ourselves is hard.

That’s the hardest part, acknowledging to ourselves that my life maybe it wasn’t all that it could be or hasn’t been all that it could be because there is this giant boulder inside that I’m having to constantly maneuver around, as I don’t disturb it, don’t open it up. What if I didn’t have that anymore? What kind of freedom could come exactly from being able to live in my fullness and have that expression. It doesn’t matter if it’s been twenty or 30 years and it doesn’t matter how public you go with it, but there is a possibility of release acknowledging for yourself, releasing that wall and coming into a fuller expression of yourself and living in a healing life.

My dream since I was five is world peace. I remember seeing the scene where they dropped the bomb and I saw the little girl that was running down the street and I think her clothes were being burned off of her house. I was only five and I knew it wasn’t right. “No, I’m not having this, not on my watch. I want to do something about that.” That’s been my stance since I was five. That’s been in me since then.

What I feel is we have the opportunity to go to the next level or the next dimension as a human being. We can shift our molecular structure. That’s changed the DNA so that we have compassion and don’t want to hurt one another. That’s what’s available because you’re talking about something real basic taking away with rape, incest, prostitution, that is about dominance and control over another person’s mind and body and their spirit. When you stop behavior that is permeating our culture like that, it is boundless what we can do. That’s what get. I want to break out into that, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” When you feel good, you’re happy. If you’re happy, it’s easy to love, it’s easy to share. We could have with John Lennon talked about Imagine.

Dalzenia, for the one person out there who is hearing your words, who is being touched by your art and your music, what do you have to say for her or for him? Maybe that person who is waiting to hear those words from you and not sure if they want to break their own silence.

I feel you. I’m here. You are not alone. Find me. We can talk. If you don’t even want to say what it is, we can talk about something else that you can touch me and if you can’t get to me, you go inside and do a little prayer and you ask your angel, “Who do I go to?” They will show up. You will know, trust yourself.

Can you tell people a little bit more about your book, how that plays into what you’re doing for people, how they can learn more about that book and your incredible work?

This book is a montage of my life, my work and my commitment to this conversation. It’s called Dalzenia Artist4Peace: Ultimate Freedom through Global Galleries4Peace. Ultimately, I’m looking for peace masters, individuals who are willing to engage in the difficult conversations for change. We can mastermind for creative soul-utions with impact. Together, we can take the actions needed to move toward, move forward, to eradicate the mindset and activities that keeps unacceptable sexual acts perpetrated worldwide.

When you feel good, you're happy, and it's easy to love and easy to share. Share on X

We can stop it one person at a time, me touching you, you touching her, him like that. One person at a time, that’s all it takes. Wake up in the morning and go, “I’m here for somebody. I’m here for myself.” You can go to the mirror, do the mirror work, Louise Hay say, “Little Dalzenia, I’m here for you. I’m going to take care of you better than I ever have and I love you.” You do that for yourself. Do that every day and you will find you’ll be able to take bigger steps, first baby steps, then bigger steps. You’ll find your way.

I’m so glad that you said yes to this. I know it was a struggle and I know that you almost didn’t and I’m so glad that you did, so I thank you so much for being a part of this project and for the work that you’re doing in the world. For helping to spread this message and to bring about this change. It is monumental what you’re doing and I greatly appreciate it. I say a prayer into our angels that your words and that beautiful message that you gave with all of your heart and soul there touches every heart who needs it. I make that prayer and I thank you.

If you’re one of those people who have been touched by those words, let yourself feel it, allow yourself. This is a safe and healthy touching of your heart. Allow your heart to feel it. Give yourself that permission and go to that mirror and do that work that Dalzenia talked about. Let yourself receive because you are worth it and you do deserve it and you too can, if not today, one day come to this place where you will be helping others as well. Thank you for being a part of this project.

If you’d like to continue the conversation, join us in the Facebook group that is called While We Were Silent. Let’s continue the conversation there. These interviews are available for you to share and distribute with anyone and everyone that you feel could be served by them so please do.

About Dalzenia Sams

Dalzenia Sams is an artist4peace. A Native Texan and Seasoned Houston Resident since 1971 when she arrived to attend Rice University for the arts.

Officially Becoming a published author is a stepping stone to Dalzenia’s dream.

She is seeking Individuals who would consider themselves to be ”PeaceMasters” committed to unfolding a potent conversation and movement for change with the intent to create World Peace.

Dalzenia has international recognition as an artist through GMC, having created an Art Car commemorating their 50th Anniversary.

Locally, Dalzenia has created many commissioned murals for businesses and homes including two installations for the City of Houston’s Spark Park Program through the Mayor’s office. Her favorite being Her 6-ft x 100-ft mural with multiple scenes depicting a royal life with agriculture in black history through Egyptian life stands at Kashmere Elementary School.

Dalzenia’s public Mosaic Tile Mural at Smithers Park is a current artist4peace piece in progress, whereas her work was on permanent display in Historic Downtown Mia Bella’s Restaurant. A commissioned triplicate mural.