One day back when I was managing a school of spiritual healing out in California, I got an emergency call from the hotel manager. “We need you to come to room 526 right away.” I knew instantly who it was, but what was happening this time?
When I arrived at the room, one of our participants was blowing up at the housekeeping manager. She had asked for a late checkout so she could leave food in the refrigerator until she was ready to leave the hotel, but the housekeeper didn’t get the message. When she returned to hee room, the container of food had been thrown away.
“What’s going on? What’s the problem?” She began shouting to me about how she had been wronged. I looked her in the eye and said firmly and with compassion, “I hear you, and I believe it was an accident. What do you need? What are you asking for?”
Suddenly, silence. She thought for a minute and then said, “I just want to be compensated for the lunch I lost.” When she got clear on what she wanted, she was able to ask for it peacefully. The hotel comp’d her a sandwich from their restaurant, and she was on her way to the airport.
That instance in itself did not cause the anger she was expressing. No doubt her reaction was fueled by memories of past experiences – a long-held pattern of feeling like she was not seen, heard, valued or respected. The frustration and anger came from an old belief that she would not be able to get what she needed even if she asked for it.
Do you ever have those moments of feeling like you don’t have the power or control to get your needs met? That even if you ask, no one will hear or care?
This can bring up a lot of frustration and anger. Old patterns can stir these things up so quickly, you might not even have time to acknowledge how you are feeling or what you are really needing.
So I want to share with you a few steps to help you move from anger to speaking what you truly need in a way that can be heard.
- Give yourself permission to be angry.
This doesn’t mean permission to fly out of control and hurt yourself or others, verbally, emotionally or physically. It means permission to feel what you feel. Flying off the handle actually comes from trying not to feel. You are human, and humans are designed to have feelings.
- Breathe
Take 10 deep belly breaths, more if you need it, releasing constriction with each exhale.
- What are the facts in this situation?
What is happening? Write it down if you can.
- What are you feeling?
Discern from the facts what you are feeling inside.
If feeling angry, is there a feeling underneath the anger?Anger is often a secondary emotion that protects you from feeling a deeper pain – for instance, the pain of not being valued or respected. When you release the anger, you can allow yourself to feel what’s real.
- Bring compassion to yourself.
Everything is energy – you are energy, anger is energy, love is energy and compassion is energy. Call on the energy of Divine Compassion – the highest vibration of compassion. Breathe it right into the anger, wherever you feel it in your body, heart, mind or energy field. Exhale anger and constriction.Allow the compassion to melt away the anger and frustration to reveal what you are feeling. Then give compassion to that place. Breathe in compassion. Exhale out the pain.
- Based on that feeling, what are you needing?
With compassion in your heart for the truth of what you are feeling, ask yourself what you are needing. What is your truth? What do you need to say or ask for?In the example above, what she was really needing was much deeper than lunch. However, it’s not always appropriate to ask directly for love and respect from the person you are dealing with in the moment. However, you can ask yourself, “what would help me feel heard and respected with regard to this situation?” Then, perhaps later, you can ask for the deeper needs, such as Love and Acceptance from the Source, in a way that will bring healing to your heart.
- With compassion in your heart, speak the truth from your heart to their hearts.
Are you ready to release old patterns that keep you from expressing your needs clearly from a place of love?
If you ever have trouble expressing yourself when you are feeling anger or frustration, chances are you’ve got an old story running in the background that is cluttering up your processes. The lurking stories can cause you to react from defense mechanisms and coping strategies rather than staying in your truth.
If you can relate, please join me for a webinar this coming Monday, June 29.
On this webinar, we’ll cover:
- 3 Self-Help Myths that keep you from complete healing
- What integrated healing for body, mind, heart and spirit really means
- A guided process for releasing your stories
You’re invited to attend:
Time: Monday, June 29th at 8:00pm Eastern / 5:00pm Pacific
Listening methods: Phone + Web Simulcast
To attend by computer, visit:
http://iTeleseminar.com/71454189
To attend by phone:
Phone Number: (425) 440-5100
Pin Code: 214861#
Local Numbers: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/Local/
MARK YOUR CALENDAR NOW FOR THE EVENT.
See you there!
Debra
